Taking Chances

Taking chances can be risky or rewarding. Depends on how you look at it. Im currently takinf a chance with someone right now. When i first thought about it, all i thought was how bad things could be. But then i realized i won’t really know til i take the chance to find out. And at the moment I’m currently taken and happy. Now just to wait and see how this chance will take me, Reward?

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City/Country livingstyle..

Being a city gal would be think im totally a city lifestyle but i live in indiana a corn country and flat state lifestyle and its good because i needed to see what would be a better balance in my life or how i want to make it in my life. Well in the country you can’t do so much as you can in the city. The city has so much potential just of it own because theres so much advertisment and career building but the flaws of it is the expense and the compitition to have it. You can build a career in a city but only up to a point thats where country living is great, it also give you opportunity to literally build your own business without so much comeptition around. You can do both anywhere. Just depends what would prefer.

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Flashbacks are good….

Many would say that we shouldn’t live in the past and that so true, don’t live it. Write and read later int eh future about it so you can remind yourself of your own mistakes and strive to keep your mistake in the past and not a repeated game. My family would say im totally crazy for writing my past and thinking of what to do to make sure i don’t do it again but i look at my past and i lived my life of twenty years and almost twenty-one. Which i wanna take and start twenty-one year with a BLAST! i wanna seek the fun and the great adventures this world can give me. I wanna live a life, not just sit in a couch and write about it. I wanna write and tell stories to the next generation about my adventures and flaws and my rollercoaster of a life so they can learn from me a bit and take there life to a much better level then i did at this age. I want to look down later and have no regret of what choices ive made in my life. I hoep others do to. Writing this stuff down reminds me of the pregantice scare me and jovan had, and how he acknowledge me that he would help thats if i were prego, which meant waiting patiently to find out when taking this test, it was the longest two mins ive ever had in my life, and it made me think of the choices i was make and i was relfecting alot because if i was pregnant that meant my goals and life would change automaticlly and that wasnt good on my part cuz it just terrified me even more because that meant no more dancing no more school, all it would be was raising a child and having the money and mental awareness of how to be a mother at the age of twenty and having a partner that i wasn’t even a companion just a guy i bearly liked and was learning more about at the time. Whcih mean what if we don’t seem to be that couple that would be anywhere interested in marriage or that our child would be raised in to seperate homes and families and that hard for one to have. It opened my eyes so much when i was reflecting in those two mins because my life wasnt going to change but everyone i know and love and my partner life and family and loved ones. It one scary thing when its not expectec or plan. Life has little time i needed to realize that any choice i make in life can change a whole course of my life and that i need to be more delicate and more prayed and confident in the choices i was making. I should n’t have been careless about the choice and should have realized that time is to litte and can be too late so i have to pray and plan and be hopeful of the choice i make will make me and my future family happy in the long run.

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The UnQuestionable

We all have that one person that you have drunk goggles on and dont notice anythign wrong with them. Well ive had Drunk goggles on guys alot. Just recently I’ve spent alot of time with this boy i met at my church and he seemed legit and seemed to be a gentlemen. But then again i have my drunk goggles on so i didn’t see the bad in him, i looked at himas an great example because of what i wanted to see. I hope so much of hope that i find that right guy that im to blind to see the bad. So when i found out recently that hes lied not to me but to a friend of mine it pissed me off so bad. i thought that things with him would make me better, to help me be a better person. But what i didnt realize that he was just as human as i am, still figuring things out for himself and have almost about the same flaws as mine. But what sickens me is the fact that i know he could be such a great guy and has great potential yet doesn’t even know it. Maybe the unquestionable thing is why do we not see our own potential. Many Sociogolist i know would give me all the same anwsers that we want to always see the good in everyone but we ourselves have a hard time seeing our ownself why cuz of its own nature. I personally think we all just try to see it and thats part of our Godly flaws we wont truely know our purpose until after this life, or maybe right towards death when we have seen it all here on Earth. I’ve learned with this guys bad ambitions that i need to stop focusing on the right one and find out something much bigger which is knowing who i am, and what my purpose is and find myself in this crazy world of ours. many girls would see it has a way of calling him a dick and blaming him for our annual feelings but i look it has a great oppurtunity to seek the best thing for myself in this world and blast out into the world and show everyone my full and true potential. And you know i can’t wait because that means a start of a new not just year but i know view of what i want my life to be. No more guys which mean no drunk goggles. Which means less drama and more fun 🙂

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love and fear

Love is hard to explain. There is no true definition. Because words can only explain so much of what it is. Love can be easy or be hard. For me i have fallen twice in my life and have fallen twice. The first time was more of a nieve love, i didn’t know how it felt but i thought i knew. it was broken. The last and second time was less than a year ago, had i was the one to walk away, because i found out how unhappy i was. i thought i was love, but really it was FEAR. And some of it was that i loved giving compassion and taking care of someone. Fear was towards more of being alone the rest of my life, and that their wasn’t anyone out there for me. After the second time i thought i loved but fell changed me. i moved i tried to live life without the fear or feel diginity towards myself that i can be independent and not feel like i need a companion with me, espically at the age of 19 years. Love can be easily miss lead. you can THINK you love that thing or person but ican be a cloud of something bigger. For me love was a cloud to cover up the fear i had and also to not show my vunerable side. I had a relationshipp with a guy when i moved out into the world on my own. It was different, i didn’t feel anything passing me, but i did have that fear. That fear made me want to move things so fast in the relationship i had. But what made me remember this one paticular relationship was the FALL. The fall was when i asked him after a fight if he was happy. his anwser was i don’t know and he ends up spending time talking about whether to end it with me with his sister. I knew it was going to happen, i felt it. I could acually feel the Fall wihtout it happening yet. Was i getting use to Falling? But what made it so memerable was when he talked to me about WHY he wanted to break things off. because he knew my FEAR, he knew i wasn’t in love. He didn’t put it in those words but the way he desrcibe my faults and me being on top of him 24/7, he knew. My heart sunk the most that night because i knew that night that i didn’t just not love him truely but i didn’t love myself, i feared because i put it in my head that i was only capable to be with someone that was Ok. What i mean by okay is that the people you see that are okay for that person but you know can do better. Many people except many realtionships and except that person to love because they think that is all they’ll get and there won’t be any better. Peoples exceptations become so low of whats the best for them because they don’t think they can get better. They think they on;y deserve so little when really they deserve so much more! I realized that the last relationship i had that i wasn’t just fallen but was smacked in the face by the reality of my fear. Fear brought me into so much hurt. When he told me all the things i only thought, my eyes were opened and my heart hurt the most that night. Why did it hurt so much? Because i didn’t just fall but i failed.  How can one fall from a relationship and fail? I failed by putting fear into a reltionship that could have grown great but fear struck and i pushed things and wasn’t patient. I let something get in the way of having the chance to actually fall in love in a good way. I didn’t just fail the relationship but i failed myself because i let somethign else get in the way. Why is Fear and Love so strong and power full. Why do the two words, change peoples life and choices in life?

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Judgement, you can’t control it!

Image is usually the first thing you judge in a person. People say why judge, but really when do we ever not judge. We are always judging others whether we like it or not. It’s not something you can control.  i describe judgement as a shield for people; why? so they whether they want to take the time to get to know you or walk past you like you never were there.For Example, first day of school, new girl in the community, everyone is going to take a quick look to see whether they can judge to take the time to get to know you. One way they judge s to see fi you have anything in common, then they choose from their whether it a good idea to introduce yourself and hope you have more in common to start a gain in friendship. So even friendships start by judging if they are worth your time and energy.

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i totally believe that doctors shouldn’t first suggest drugs. With how the world is today, many people are starting to rely on medication. The reasoning many people are relying on them is, because many doctors suggest right away medication nothing more. They just do their job by writing up a prescription and on to the next one.

laboundgirl

Drugs are the lasting thing i want to rely on. And it sucks that doctors don’t offer something other than drugs first. Drugs shouldn’t be the first priority. Maybe others think differently. But ive seen my own mother rely on medications to keep her health and pains up, but i don’t see her being relieved or look healthy. She actually looks unhealthy and has for awhile. Her bathroom looks like a pharmacy and it sucks to see her take so many pills. Just makes me wonder where the line truely is for people, for doctors?

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Rely on Drugs?!

Drugs are the lasting thing i want to rely on. And it sucks that doctors don’t offer something other than drugs first. Drugs shouldn’t be the first priority. Maybe others think differently. But ive seen my own mother rely on medications to keep her health and pains up, but i don’t see her being relieved or look healthy. She actually looks unhealthy and has for awhile. Her bathroom looks like a pharmacy and it sucks to see her take so many pills. Just makes me wonder where the line truely is for people, for doctors?

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thats is the funniest shit there lol.

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Live or die, th…

Live or die, that;s the only anwser to life.

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